It Is the Tortured Who Turn Into Torturers
by DragonWilliams
Summary: Loki tells us a story, one he cannot hide from. WARNINGS: Child deaths, torture, mentions of rape. [COMPLETE]


**Warnings: Child deaths, torture, mentions of rape, angst, first written fic, butchering of Norse mythology and bad writing. I have warned you!**

**Word Count: 2,734**

I don't think you've lost your mind, not like I have. You question me, you question what I do. You haven't been tortured like I have both physically and mentally and even in spirit by the ones you called your own.

I was over shadowed always, by Thor, never getting any respect. I learnt to deal with it hiding under lies and tricks. The only way I could ever get Odin's attention was through punishment, he only paid any knowledge of me when I misbehaved, so tricks became my mark, being beaten for them though. In the name of love he said. But one day, one day I was framed for something I didn't do, something I'd never do, to my own family. If I did do something I certainly paid for it.

You see one of my brothers, Baldr, Baldr the Brave, Baldr the Bright. Everyone loved him he was on par with Thor in popularity. Baldr couldn't die or at least that's what mother said, she had asked of every living thing in Asgard to vow never to hurt Baldr so that Baldr couldn't be killed by anything. Everyone tried to kill Baldr in jest, he knew he couldn't die and encouraged people to try their best. But mother had forgotten something, one simple thing, all objects had vowed except for one, mistletoe. I had figured out our mother's flaw and I voiced it when none spoke or acknowledged me, I spread gossip that Baldr could be killed by mistletoe. I thought it a lie, until a hag, a witch threw a spear at Baldr made of mistletoe. It pierced his heart and the hag had said that the God of Lies and Chaos had made her do it, had corrupted her mind. Baldr lay in the halls bleeding and I was dragged away.

I had a two more children, the only ones I fathered. I had a wife Sigyn, she was the mother, she was beautiful with her auburn hair that glowed like fire in the sun and her glacial blue eyes and at first I wondered why she chose me, such a lovely being too good for the God of Lies. My boys were beautiful just like her. They were the only ones of my children I could see, to have near, to hug, to kiss, while my other children were cast out, imprisoned or became slaves to Odin. According to him the children of Loki and Sigyn, Nari and Vali, were not 'monsters'. But how could any child be a monster for just being born. They were young, Vali was the oldest he was twelve and Nari was only seven. Young and cheerful boys that played until dusk.

They didn't know what was happening when their father was dragged away, and then Odin motioned to them. At first I let the guards take me with little fuss despite my pleas of innocence but when the guards had grabbed my sons, they screamed out in pain as the Aesir bruised their arms. They yelled for help as they were dragged off, yelling for their grandfather to help but he looked on, they screamed for their daddy to help them and I screamed back trying to hold back tears and trying to fight off the guards so that I could run and comfort my boys. But as strong as my willpower was, it was not strong enough to break free of the guards clutches.

Sigyn, oh poor Sigyn, she had to watch as all three of her boys were forced out screaming. She sobbed as she was forced back not being able to help. I continued to yell to them that everything would be alright. But as hopeful as I was, that was not the case.

They dragged me to a cave. I thought my punishment would just be imprisonment. Again that was far from the truth. The cave was like any other; cold and damp. Then I heard the sounds of my children as I kneelt in the cave with spears digging in my back. I lifted my head to the cave entrance as quick as I could, I started to feel panic and it showed. Guards brought them to the entrance of the cave, they were so close yet I could not reach to hug them. Once they saw me they eased slightly a little happier to see their father and I was happier to see my boys safe despite a few bruises on the arm.

It only got worse and I was forced to watch. It became an all too real nightmare. Vali was kicked down and he started to cry Nari curled in on himself sobbing as a guard continued to beat his older brother. I was screaming for them to stop, that they were only children. My sons were yelling for help. I saw the fear in their eyes and I told them that it would be over soon as I tried yet again to get free and save my children.

One of the Aesir took Nari as another turned Vali into a wolf, a mindless beast. I watched as Vali screamed in pain and fear, so much fear in a child's eyes you should never see. Both of them were crying. Eventually Vali had fully changed into a mindless beast, they drove him insane and that may have been good for him because what he did next haunts me, changed me right down to where things matter and would have killed my poor Vali. However Nari was fully aware of what was happening, still so young but so very aware, they let him go, there was more fear and terror in his eyes than I have ever seen. He still called out for me.

I screamed for the Aesir to stop, my face was soaked with tears and they held my head so I could watch, so I could watch as my sweet child Vali attacked his younger brother. He ripped out Nari's throat with his lupine jaws and I watched and cried and screamed as Nari's blood sprayed the cave wall and bled out on the snow painting it crimson, I watched as he tried to scream through a ripped out throat, I watched as my youngest screamed with his eyes and mouthed out 'daddy, daddy, daddy, save me, save me daddy, please make it stop!' pleading. He was only seven!

I screamed my throat raw tasting blood but I kept on screaming. Vali continued to rip and tear at his brother's throat with such savagery. Eventually one of the Aesir bashed Vali's skull in, again and again and again and again with brutal accuracy until his brain scattered the snow. Nari was still alive but barely, gasping in pain and had gone pale moments earlier. The same Aesir plunged a knife into Nari's stomach and I was still forced to watch as they disembowelled my seven year old son and still hearing his slowly dying moans of anguish, his blood melting the snow. He then went and gutted Vali like some creature he hunted for sport. I was still screaming but it was more sobbing and praying than anything else.

They dragged my body to a large rock. I had no more fight left in me. I had watched my children being killed brutally like animals then being disembowelled. At that moment I had lost any will. They threw me onto the rock as I sobbed more quietly now. One of them brought a basket over and I looked in shock at them. I didn't know what they were going to do next until they pulled out my sons' entrails, both of them, and chained me to the slab with them. I writhed trying to get away from it and broke down even more when I felt the still warm intestines of my children wrap around my body. I wanted to throw up. I was dry retching and sobbing as the make shift chains were wrapped around my throat, my abdomen and legs.

I lay there for days staring at the bodies of my children. All that was left of my once lively and happy boys were pale, limp and lifeless corpses. Their eyes, just as dead as the rest of them. I smelt their bodies rot the smell staying just as long as the image. I did not want to live it again but every time I closed my eyes I see them scream, I see them bleed, I see the fear they had in their eyes that should be filled with joy.

To make things worse, though I didn't think it could get any worse, one of the goddesses, Skadi, placed a serpent above my head. One drip of this venom would kill a mortal almost instantly, burning and searing the flesh. Odin eventually allowed Sigyn to see me before the next part of the punishment came. She saw me laying there and asked to stay with me and I pleaded for her to leave, leave and never come back, to save herself. Her loyalty was stronger than I had ever thought. I saw her face, full of despair and utter loss. I cried even more at seeing her face at seeing her trying to ease my own pain.

She stood above me, holding a bowl to catch the poison that dripped from the serpent's mouth. I watched as she strained to keep her arms up but eventually she would have to empty the bowl. When she went to empty it, the venom was the most excruciating thing, it dripped into my eyes, onto my face. It hurt so much and I writhed so much that the ground shook, the pain was so unbearable and I eventually went blind but every time my vision came back. Imagine the worst pain you can think of and times in by a thousand and then you can grasp the concept of how painful it was.

Sigyn had nearly run out of tears and as did I. I had lost hope and I thought my Sigyn would too but she was stronger than I. Even as the muscles in her arms started to fail she stayed stronger than anyone expected her too. Every day I pleaded for her to leave, I cried for her to leave, she kept shaking her head and saying that she'd be with me forever and her sorrowful eyes still kept love for me, for the monster. I cried for Odin to stop this but his anger was firm and the belief that I caused the death of one of his great sons was even firmer.

Eventually I was freed from my chains. I ran to the bodies of my boys and wept. I held their lifeless bodies in my arms, cradling what was left of them. I sat there for days whispering prayers and apologies to their bodies I screamed Odin's name until my voice was lost, yet again. Sigyn came and tried to comfort me but my heart was shattered and long gone. I vowed revenge on the god that did this to my family but Sigyn pleaded and begged that I leave it be and leave. I eventually did what she said. She was the smallest part of my heart that was still left, the only thing left. I left never to return to the halls of Asgard.

Thor was lost without his shadow. I was the voice in his head that sought reason and I was gone glad to be away from the truth. I had heard of rumours of what happened to Sigyn; that once I had left the cave she was kidnapped by the Aesir guards and was sold as a slave and her status taken away, no one remembering her name. I hoped those rumours were lies.

Whenever I close my eyes I hope to see a happy family with all my children. Sleipnir running happily and free as a child should've, Jörmungand hiding as best he can with his massive girth, Fenrir running around chasing after animals, Hella having her hair braided wearing the finest clothes and playing with the other girls, Vali and Nari playing together chasing after each other and Sigyn reading them all stories on a sunny day. I get nothing, not even in dreams. All I see is Sleipnir being treated as a common stead for a brute, Jörmungand banished to a land that fears him, Fenrir chained for eternaity, Hella living in a world of death and destruction, Vali and Nari laying dead and gutted in a cave and Sigyn being a slave to barbaric men being beaten and raped. Nightmares were all I had left and they were reality.

I was running as far away as I could with my nightmares following me but I found myself closer to Asgard than I ever wanted again. I found myself near a camp ground and by the smell of it; it belonged to an Asgardian platoon. The place reeked of a battle won. The happy cheers of brutish men sicken me still. By the sounds of it they were enjoying the company of wench or a whore but the affair turned sour when the woman's screams died but the men still laughed. I tried to sneak around the camp. I hadn't eaten in what felt like weeks and I was not going to be discovered by some soldiers that were more than likely in alliance with Thor. Hunting was the key.

I snuck around in the forest that surrounded the camp. The brutes were still laughing as they threw a lifeless body out of their camp and mentioning something about spoilt meat. I was about to leave this awful place when I noticed the body, even from afar I could tell who it was by her beautiful auburn hair. What was left of my remaining heart, shattered. I ran to the body and my fears had come true. My beautiful, delicate love of my life, Sigyn lay dead in my arms as I cradled her. Her piercing blue eyes vacant, her face bruised and battered. I ghosted my hands over her and I shed what remaining tears I had; still not sure it was her. I then realised what had been rumours were now fact. This once lively joy of my life now lay bashed, bruised and raped in my arms. Her face long lost its lively complexion, her body malnourished and broken and who knows of her mind before her life was cut short.

My fury raged as I curled my body around her's as if to protect her from further torment. I screamed into the night. My only reason why I had not killed all who wronged me lay dead. Her protective wall that she had given to me had broken and vengeance could flow freely. I whispered apologies and pleas to her dead ears, asking for forgiveness. I should have protected her, I should have tried harder to save my children, I should have stayed, I should have taken her away but I didn't and now her death has snapped the last sliver of sanity I had. My throat hurt, it bled and my heart had been ripped out.

If you asked me of what drove me insane of why I have no heart, why vengeance has taken its place, why I fear to close my eyes, why my eyes are always betraying my anger. It's because of this, of being tortured by the people I once called my own of being betrayed, the sweetest things in my life taken away cruelly, being punished just because they were born, innocent children of mine killed… because of me. You tell me now that my actions of vengeance for Thor and Odin and the people of Asgard are not justified. TELL ME! You do not know the tortures I have endured. What it's like to have what you love ripped away from you and having you made to watch! You have not felt the warm blood of your children on your skin or seen the one being that kept you on the right path, dead in your arms.

I have lost everything so I have nothing else to lose and I have seen fear so I have nothing to fear. I am lost and nothing can change that.

FIN

**A/N: First written and finished Loki fic. I hope you enjoyed. It was probably shitty but you tell me. I just had some serious Loki feels lately so I gave him some justification I guess. SORRY IF MY WRITING WAS BAD. I have plans to put this, though much a shorter version, into a larger fic and it's more or so going to be Loki telling (confessing?) to Tony.**


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